Ninety-Nine Bottles Of Beer (Times Eight)

Von's Grand City Cafe - Eclectic Pub Food (3 Stars)

http://www.vonsroasthouse.com

Von's RoastHouse & 1000 Spirits Martini-Manhattan Memorial, a.k.a. Von's Grand City Cafe (I have no clue why it has two different names depending on where you're looking), has more alcohol on their bar shelves than a state-run liquor store! During our visit, their sign outside said they were serving up over 760 different types of alcohol. Even for a non-drinker like me, that's impressive.

Another impressive tidbit about the cafe is the bar's tchotchke-laden ceiling and kitschy "spin the wheel for discounts" experience. A skateboard, bicycle, and even a Seattle Police car door are just three of what must be several hundred items hanging (we hope securely) from the ceiling. There are also two menus if you're sitting in the bar. The first is the Martini-Bar Starters menu that offers 24 items from Kushi Yaki Pork Potstickers and Wild Alaska Salmon and Chips, to the Bloody Mary Prawn Cocktail, Saucy Sliders, Ale Battered Chicken Fingers, and Cast Iron Ahi Tuna. The main lunch menu offers nearly 60 different items.

That said, when three big, burly, hungry guys sit down and peruse a menu, it's hardly shocking that appetizers (and ordering a dozen of them) soon becomes the primary topic of conversation. In our case, we ordered four plus burgers!

Our first appetizer was an order of RoastHouse Pork Eggrolls. It was this plate that set the tone for complete disagreement about all of the rest of the dishes. Mark and I thought the eggrolls were greasy and tasted frozen (despite the menu specifically saying they're made fresh daily), while Mike thought they were amazing and offered: "These things have NEVER heard of a freezer!" I will say that when the eggrolls were finished, there was a hearty pool of oil on the plate. Also, the "sweet and sour" dipping sauce tasted like it was from a bottle and was thick and gloppy.

The Fried Brie was an unusual find and we mostly agreed it was good. Despite the overdone hand-breaded Panko crust, the brie inside was delicious and gooey and spread easily over the Carr's water crackers. However, the oddity on the plate was the bottled strawberry sauce. It definitely tasted like something you'd put on a sundae, not something you'd serve to offer a sweet counterpoint to the savory cheese. And as if bottled strawberry sauce wasn't enough, they added a small bowl of roasted apple cranberry chutney. The chutney was a bone of contention at the table with half of us thinking the apple texture was too mushy and the other half thinking it was perfect. In all, strawberry sauce plus apple chutney is just too much sweet on a savory plate.

Of the appetizers, the Ale Battered Chicken Fingers were actually very good. Moist, tender, and with a slightly spicy coating, the chicken was the best appetizer of the lot. Even the ranch dressing was better than run-of-the-mill. The fingers were served in a basket along with Von's Roaster's House BBQ sauce, though Mike opted for a side of ranch instead. Unfortunately, they put the fingers and condiment bowl on top of chopped lettuce which wilts and sticks to the chicken fingers. Any time you need to scrape something off what you're eating, the enjoyment factor drops.

The last appetizer of our afternoon was the Chinese BBQ Pork. The biggest frustration with BBQ Pork "Chinese style" tends to be very dry pork. Unfortunately, this wasn't an exception. The "sweet marinated slice loin 'o pork" flavor was average, though it was served with a hearty side of Hot Chinese Mustard as well as a sesame seed-toppped Asian salad with cabbage. The salad offered a savory, crunchy texture in contrast to the pork, but the flavor overall just wasn't very noteworthy. The dressing on the salad tasted like an Asian inspired vinaigrette.

As if four appetizers weren't enough, all of us decided to order the Von's Classic Cheeseburger. The patty was pretty huge (third-pound?), bacon thick-cut and delicious (though my bacon was definitely burned), and the bun was slightly sweet and actually perfect. The usual lettuce, tomato, and cheese accompanied the burger. The odd thing about the burger was the Von's secret sauce. It combined maple syrup and savory components and was very hit and miss at our table. The large pile of fries on the plate were barely touched by any of us due to completely full stomachs, but the few fries we did manage to consume were well-seasoned and crispy.

In a restaurant well known for copious amounts of alcohol, Mike couldn't get through the meal without ordering a Lemon Martini. He mentioned several times that it was well-mixed, had a great lemon flavor without being too tart or acidic, and he certainly didn't stop with just one. It sounded like the martini was the best thing he had all meal.

In all, Von's is an eclectic, interesting establishment with average food and an above-average decor. After much wrangling with my fellow diners, the best we could agree to was a well-deserved 3 Star rating. Mike wanted it to be 3.5, Mark was voting 3, and I didn't see much hope with a 2.5. As such, the average was 3 Stars and that's the best Von's was able to do during our visit. Go in expecting average fare, above average eye candy, and an unparalleled list of alcohol and you won't be disappointed.

Shrimp Twice Not So Nice?

Oriental Spoon - Asian, Sushi (3 Stars)
http://www.orientalspoonusa.com

It was Friday and we were hungry. The usual "What do you want for lunch" conversation started between the few of us brave enough to drive into the office on an unusually sunny Friday in Bellevue. As it turns out, there's a "mainly sushi" place in Factoria I had yet to try and Rob kept saying, "It's pretty good, man. Really!" So off we went to Oriental Spoon.

The inside is like a quintessential Japanese cafe, complete with the red, black, and white decor you'd expect to find from a place trying to be "Japanese". The menus are printed on the wall with large pictures and adequate descriptions of what you'll find on each rice, noodle, salad, or sushi roll plate. Prices are actually higher than you'd expect ($8-$10 per roll), but the rolls in particular are quite large and have eight pieces each instead of the usual four or six you find elsewhere. You also receive a bowl of Miso Soup and they are currently offering a 10% off their regular menu price so you'll save a buck or two.

As we waited for our sushi rolls to arrive, we received medium-sized bowls of Miso Soup. The soup was slightly salty, a bit sweet, and actually good. In most cases, Miso soup tends to have chunks of tofu bobbing around with carrots or other veggies, but this bowl just contained the broth and some scallions. The portion is generous and I only ate about half of so I'd be sure to have room left to sample the rolls.

The first roll to arrive was the Fantasia. Inside was shredded cream cheese crab with slices of avocado and cucumber. Small shrimp top the roll along with a rather sweet sauce. Both Rob and I ordered this roll and we thought it was "okay". When I asked if he could really taste the shrimp, Rob said, "Kind of" but ultimately we decided, "Well, the sauce is sweet". The sauce is actually a bit overpowering and the sushi roll filling acts more as a change of texture than it does offer distinct flavor.

The Shrimp Twice roll used the common crab, avocado, and cucumber innards along with tempura shrimp inside and thin slices of shrimp on top of the roll. The cream cheese shredded crab inside was actually almost as strong a flavor as the "twice" shrimp, which left me thinking it would have been tough to taste the difference between this roll and a California Roll. When paying about $1 per bite of roll, I was hoping it would have melted in my mouth, but really just turned out to be about as average as expected.

Rob and I both thought the Crispy Hot roll was the best of the three. It also uses the shredded crab and cream cheese along with slices of avocado and cucumber, but includes large shrimp inside the roll. The "hot" comes from spicy, delicious tuna and the "crispy" comes from tempura flakes. This roll easily had the most flavor of the three and the spice and crispy certainly made it more interesting and flavorful than the other two rolls. Rob did mention that the spice caught up with him a bit, so if you're meek on spices you may want to pass on this roll.

Overall, Rob's takeaway comment was, "Well, it's certainly better sushi than you'd expect to find from a place like this in Factoria". The service is very quick and it is nice to be able to add some variety to the usual sandwich, Mexican, and Thai lunch cuisine.

An Explosion Of...Blah

The Keg - American Steakhouse Fare - 3 Stars
http://www.kegsteakhouse.com

With eight coworkers looking to grab a quick but tasty lunch somewhere near the office, we really only had two options: The Keg and Applebee's (which we lovingly refer to as Crapplebee's). As most of us hadn't braved The Keg in quite some time, but decided their lunch menu was worth hosting out-of-town teammates. The food served was "just okay" up to "good", depending on how discerning you were and how nice you try to be in real life.

The meal started well enough with a prompt and perky waitress who seemed confident she could handle a large party with ease. Apparently she only misheard me as I was the last one to order. (More on that later.)

Because I was sitting on the far left of the table, there were only two dishes I was able to snap pictures of and get feedback for. Elaine's was one of them and she ordered the Halibut and Chips which sounded delightful. (I think almost half of our party ended up ordering the same entree!) The two pieces of halibut were actually nicely portioned, thick fillets and she chose a side-salad instead of the thick-cut "Keg fries". Elaine said there was too much breading on the fish, though it was crispy and not too oily, and the fish itself was firm and flaky. Condiments included tartar, ketchup, and lemon. I did overhear two coworkers saying the fish was "good", but no one seemed thrilled with the offering.

For my entree, I chose the Santa Fe Salad which included black beans, corn, tomatoes, ranch dressing, a hell of a lot of the "crispy tortilla strips" (*scrape, scrape*) that seem to plague any "southwestern" fare nowadays. It was also supposed to come with "spicy grilled chicken", but instead came with the spicy coated, breaded, and deep-fried chicken. Back to the kitchen it went and 10-15 minutes later, I had my salad. In defense of the second salad, the chicken was very tender and juicy and slathered with a sweet and spicy sauce which had enough heat to be interesting.

Looking down the table, I saw a lot of half-eaten meals. Whether that was because the ladies were trying to maintain their girlish figures or because the fare was so-so was difficult to say. However, at least with the two dishes, the fare was good enough for a work lunch but definitely not a place I'd take to impress a client.

Medium-Well = Lousy Tipper?

Eastlake Bar and Grill - "Upscaled" Classic Bar Fare (3 Stars)
http://www.eastlakebarandgrill.com

According to Jen, anyone who orders their steaks medium-well are lousy tippers, while those who order it rare or medium-rare are good tippers. As I have never ordered a steak, but would order it medium-well at the rarest, I defy her qualification and am a ridiculously good tipper...except when the service or ambiance leaves a lot to be desired.

Bottom line: If I have to watch a couple not just make-out but see him suck her n!pple 10 feet from my table, expect a lousy (for me) tip. HELLO!

I assumed that a restaurant with "bar and grill" in the title would make excellent burgers. In their defense, the Eastlake Half Pounder is a substantial beef burger (if not very flavorful). The thick cut, crispy bacon was excellent and the avocado was ripe and delicious. It comes with cheddar and swiss cheeses along with the usual lettuce, tomato, onion, and pickles. I ordered it sans thousand island dressing. The bun was very soft (read: potato bread bun) and immediately flattened as I tried to eat the burger.

On the other hand, Ryan definitely enjoyed his Chicken Jalapeno Mac and Cheese. The penne pasta was served with a grilled chicken breast, jalapeno cheese "sauce", and a hunk of their apparently very good garlic bread (three people commented they loved the bread). I have trouble believing non-processed cheese was used in their sauce, but I could be wrong. It's very creamy, but quite mild and would have been more interesting had they used Parmesan or Asiago to help boost the cheese sauce flavor.

Overall, pretty standard bar fare a bit below par with a Chile's or Applebee's.